{Bel ennui}
Danielle Kaheaku
Growl Play
“You’re going to get your head lopped off.”
Jake peered at his twin over the rim of the shot glass, and then downed the whiskey in one gulp. He grimaced, set the glass down on the bar top and turned on the stool.
Tanner frowned at him. The stench of the alcohol burned his nose and made his stomach churn. “You’re not even listening, are you?”
The bartender moved to refill Jakes glass, but Tanner waved him away.
“This is a dangerous game you’re playing.” A rumble built in Tanner’s throat. “Alcohol, seriously? You know what drinking does to—“
“Can it already.” Jake held up is glass for the bartender—who hesitated, looking at Tanner.
Tanner shook his head at the bartender and then studied his brother, eyes roaming over the wrinkled clothes, the smear of lipstick on the crooked collar, and the ball of frizz at the back of Jake’s shoulder length brown hair.
The frizz-ball twitched. Something beneath the hair twisted and growled, trying to push its way out.
Tanner’s hand shot out and smoothed Jake’s hair down, his eyes scanning the meager crowd in the bar. He took a deep breath and ran a hand over the back of his own head, smoothing the long strands into its perfect cut. He closed his eyes, swallowing.
“Jake, you need to quit screwing around or you can’t stay with me anymore.”
Jake gave up trying to wave the bartender over and set the glass down. He looked at Tanner under thick eyebrows as if suddenly realizing his brother was present. “What are you saying?”
Tanner hesitated. “I don’t want you to slip and mess things up between me and Julie.”
Jake guffawed and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and slapped a ten down. He stood, swayed, and pushed Tanner’s offered hand away.
“Bitch has you by the balls, bro.”
Tanner grimaced and followed Jake out the glass front door and onto the busy downtown street. He shielded his eyes from the overhead sun. Jake spat on the sidewalk and waved at the passing taxis.
“Shit, what’s it gotta take for someone to get a God damn ride…” He sneered at Tanner. “You’ve been dating her for six months now and I haven’t even met her. How am I supposed to screw things up?”
Tanner stepped into the street and raised one hand at an approaching cab, and stepped back at the car pulled to the curb. “I just don’t want to lose her. I like what we have going on.”
A pretty blonde in a blue floral dress and arms full of groceries approached the cab. Tanner held up a hand.
“Sorry, cab’s taken.”
Jake quickly pushed his brother’s hand down. “Where you headed?”
The girl blinked. “Fourth and Jefferson.”
Jake grinned, his lips thinning. A short, rumbling growl emanated from the back of his head, making the girl jump. She looked back and forth between the twins. Jake rubbed his stomach.
“Sorry, I haven’t had lunch yet. I’m actually headed to Jefferson. You want to share the ride? I’ll pay.”
Tanner looked down at his shoes, biting his tongue. The girl smiled.
“Thanks.”
Jake took the girl’s bags and placed them in the back seat of the cab as she went around to the other side. Jake slid in the seat, closed the door, and saluted Tanner through the open window.
“You’re getting’ in too deep, bro.” He leaned his head back against the headrest, the crooked grin still in place. “If you were smart you would give it up and keep to dinner—“ he glanced at the girl, “or lunch.”
Tanner wrung his hands together as the cab disappeared down the street.
# # #
“So what did you want me to bring again?”
Julie’s sigh hissed through the receiver. “Tanner, baby, we’ve already been over this. It’s just a simple family barbeque. Just bring a dish to share and a small dessert.”
Tanner closed his eyes and drummed his fingers on the kitchen counter. “Alright, I’ll think of something. Four-thirty?”
“Yes. By the canopies. If you get lost call me.”
“Alright.”
Tanner closed the cell phone and tossed it on the counter, watching it clatter across the granite. He groaned and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes.
“Food around her family. How am I supposed to pull this off?”
He sighed and straightened up, several beads of sweat appearing on his brow. He wiped at his face and shook his head, his stomach already dreading the long night ahead hunched over the toilet regurgitating the forced-down burger or hot dog.
His hair moved, the back of his head shifting and elongating. The tip of a black nose peeked through the styled hair. Tanner took a deep breath and clenched his fists.
“I can do this.”
His hair flattened against his head and went still.
“I can do this for Julie.”
# # #
At a quarter-till five Tanner crossed the crowded grassy park near Julie’s parent’s house carrying a bag of cookies and a bucket of pre-made potato salad toward the two pop-up canopies. The trees were changing with the coming of autumn, but the days were still warm and the park air was filled with the smells of charcoal grills and birthday cakes.
It made him want to puke.
He neared the canopies and swallowed, pulling at his collared shirt. He looked around the mix of old and young family members, all fair complexioned and bordering on fat. He clicked his tongue and tested the weight of the salad.
“Probably should have brought a bigger bucket,” he muttered.
“There you are!”
Tanner spun to his right as Julie ran up to him. He smiled, genuinely relieved. She wrapped her arms around his slim waist and stood on her toes to give him a quick kiss. She wrinkled her nose—a beautiful quirk to Tanner—and nodded in the direction of the family.
“Keep it toned down today,” she said. “My grandparents are here and they’re very old fashioned when it comes to dating.”
Tanner grinned. “Am I at least allowed to hold your hand?”
Julie smiled. “That you may. Are you hungry?”
He glanced at the group of women watching them approach.
“Starving.”
Tanner followed her to the nearest table and set down the food. Julie turned away from him to lay out the cookies, and Tanner stepped back to give her room. Three women in their early twenties shot into the small gap and surrounded him.
“Oh, and who might you be?” a tall blonde with heavy mascara asked. She pouted her lips.
“You sure are a handsome one, aren’t you?” another cooed, her cheeks flushed as she seemed to force her hands not to reach out and touch him.
Tanner took a step back, and then another as the women followed, until he backed up against a nearby picnic table. He jerked his head around.
Not now.
“Julie…”
“You came with Julie?” the first woman asked. Her demeanor suddenly changed; her interest bleeding into jealousy. She leaned close enough so that her low-cut blouse brushed against his chest.
Tanner’s eyes seemed to glance down at the long line of cleavage on their own accord, and his chin trembled. The back of his head tingled, and heat spread down the back of his neck as his skull began to burn. He slapped the back of his head, making his hair go flat. He let out a nervous laugh and leaned further back against the table.
“Julie!”
Julie appeared at his right elbow. “Tanner, come say hello to my parents.” She seemed unaware of the three women leaning over her boyfriend. “Well come on, what are you waiting for?”
Tanner cleared his throat and hurried after her, skirting around the group of women, glancing back as he walked. Once out of arms reach, their faces went blank, and then they looked around, confused. Tanner picked up his pace. He kept his arms at his sides as they wove through the maze of plastic folding chairs and tables, shying away from the women who seemed to take a sudden interest in his movements.
“Everyone seems to like you so far,” Julie whispered as they neared the end of the second canopy. She took his hand and squeezed.
Tanner forced a half-smile. You have no idea.
# # #
“I don’t know why you put up with it.” Jake’s voice echoed against the close walls of the tiled bathroom. “Her dad hates you.”
Tanner spit and shuddered, hugging the white toilet seat. Sweat stained the back of his shirt, and his hair hung wet around his face. He closed his eyes as his stomach churned, though he doubted there was anything left to throw up.
“Because…” he swallowed, “because I love her.”
“Ah, shit. Not that again.” Jake leaned over to the sink and turned on the faucet. He jerked the hanging towel off the rack, wet and rung it out, and then tossed it across the back of Tanner’s neck. “You said that about the last one, too.”
“Julie’s different.”
“Weren’t you listening when dad taught us not to play with our food? God, even I have enough sense to listen to him on that.”
The back of Tanner’s head shifted and fanged jaws lengthened forward and belched. Tanner growled and slapped the top of the brown-furred muzzle, and the jaws slipped back behind the hair.
Jake shook his head and walked toward the bathroom door. “You’re pathetic. We’re walking gods and you can’t get over a good fuck.” He turned in the doorway and looked back at his brother. His face was unusually solemn. “You know in the end it won’t last. You can’t hold out that long.”
“Yes, I can…”
“Something will trigger you. It always does.”
Tanner laid his head against toilet seat, enjoying the cool, hard surface.
Jake shook his head. “Well, while you’re waiting for Julie to give you your balls back you might as well tend to your needs. It will keep you satiated long enough for you to continue this madness.”
# # #
“You’re cancelling again? Are you sure there’s not something wrong?”
“No, I’m just not feeling well,” Tanner mumbled, one arm slung over his eyes. He held the phone away from his ear as Julie prattled on. He kicked his shoes off and crossed his ankles on the coffee table amidst the pile of Jake’s belongings. He loosened his belt and unbuttoned the top of his jeans. He sighed, content.
“You haven’t been feeling well a lot lately,” she continued. “I’m beginning to think you’re intentionally avoiding me.”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Do you want me to bring you anything? Chicken soup? Orange juice?”
“No, I just ate.”
The toilet in the hall bathroom flushed, and the sound of the shower water running came from under the closed door.
“Is there someone there with you?” Julie asked, her voice rising.
Tanner rubbed his temple. “It’s just Jake. Another late night.”
“I don’t know why you put up with him. He needs to grow up and get out on his own. I know he’s your brother, but…”
Jake’s singing in the shower filled the silence.
“I’d like to see you,” Julie said after a moment.
Tanner breathed deep through his nose. He caught the tremble, the uncertainty in her voice. He didn’t like it. It had been a week since the barbeque, and he hadn’t seen Julie once. It was rare for them to be apart more than a day.
“I miss you too. I’ll probably be better by tomorrow. Why don’t we plan for a movie tomorrow night?”
The silence on the other end of the line became unnerving. Tanner opened his eyes.
“Julie?”
“Tomorrow’s fine,” she said, quickly. “I’ll pick you up.”
Tanner nodded, and then remembered he was on the phone. “Sounds great.”
“Bye.”
“I love you.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
The call ended, and Tanner thumbed through the phone menu to his picture gallery. He clicked through to the most recent photos, and smiled at a picture of him and Julie at the pumpkin patch. Like an excited little kid, she had insisted they carve jack-o-lanterns together. It wasn’t something he’d ever done to a pumpkin before, and he’d surprisingly had fun. Though she had suggested it, it seemed all Julie did the entire time was complain about the pulpy mess.
He turned his head to the female corpse sprawled on the couch beside him. Her chest opened wide to showcase an empty cavity, the visible spine a perfect match to her straight white teeth. He shifted position on the couch, the tarp spread over the cushions crinkling under his weight. He rubbed the back of his head, fingers running through his hair to tickle under the exposed jaws clicking in satisfaction.
He tossed the phone to the coffee table and reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny box. He opened it and gazed at the sparkling solitaire diamond ring. He turned the box over in his fingers, watching the light reflect off the tiny prism.
The sound of a toilet flushing interrupted Tanner’s soft purring, and he shoved the box back into his pocket. Jake appeared from around the corner, zipping up the front of his pants. He dried his hair with a towel as he walked into the open kitchen and pulled a beer from the fridge. He twisted the cap off, flicked it to the counter, and took a long swig.
Tanner suddenly noticed Jake’s lack of wrinkles and the new khaki slacks. Jake had even brushed back his unruly mane, which was unusual.
“Where are you going?” Tanner said, curious.
Jake grinned. “I got another date with this girl Stacy. Cute little brunette; nice round hips. Already have dinner planned for tomorrow, too.” He took another drink. “Oh, can I… borrow the apartment tomorrow for a few hours?”
“What?”
“I’m making dinner.” Jake winked. “She wanted to eat at her parents’, but I convinced her that I’m a great cook. At least this way you’ll have leftovers when you’re done with your lame movie date.”
Tanner sighed. “Whatever.”
Jake nodded. He lifted his left hand to part the back of his hair, flipping it over his face. He twisted his neck, so that the brown, furred profile of a hyena was fully exposed. The brown jaws parted, and a long pink tongue lolled out between two rows of sharp teeth as Jake took another drink. Beer dribbled down the spotted fur, and he used his hair to mop it up. The hyena face huffed, panting in excitement as it stared at the body on the couch.
“Are you going to finish that?”
# # #
“Do you want more popcorn?”
Tanner glanced sideways at Julie as she leaned in to whisper, admiring the soft line of her jaw in the blue light. He smirked and snuck in a kiss. Julie smiled and pulled back, but he wrapped a hand behind her neck and pulled her closer. He pressed his lips against hers, and then moved his kisses down her neck. His heartbeat raced as she squirmed in his grasp.
“Tanner,” Julie hissed. “People are looking.”
“So let them look.”
Julie snorted and pushed away. “We’re not fourteen. We have an apartment to go back to.” She winked at him and placed a piece of popcorn on her extended tongue.
Tanner chuckled at her attempt at seduction, and lapped the popcorn up before she could react. He grinned. “I’ll hold you to that.”
Julie smiled and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging the extra-large bucket of popcorn that—other than the few handfuls he forced down his throat for appearances—she had eaten herself. He didn’t say anything; he’d learned through many past experiences not to bring up weight with women, even though he’d noticed her pants fitting snugger than they had four months ago.
Not that I mind, he thought. I actually like the extra bit of meat…
He ran a hand up her arm. Saliva filled his mouth as his fingers played over her rounded shoulder. The back of his skull tingled, and his hair moved against his neck. He slid down in his seat and slammed the back of his head against the red faux velvet.
I can’t think that way. Not now. Not while I’m with Julie.
He slipped his hand into his pocket, and froze. He shifted in his seat, trying for a better search angle. He tried his other pocket. Nothing.
“You OK?” Julie asked, lowering the popcorn bucket.
Tanner’s heart raced. I’m an idiot. I left it at home?
He glanced at the screen as the end credits faded to black and the lights came on. “Uh, yeah. You want to sneak into another movie?”
Julie choked on her soda, wiped at her chin, and then smirked at him. “I’d love to, but I have somewhere I gotta be.”
“Where?”
“Some candle party or something for my mom. It’s no big deal. I promised her I’d go and I can’t bail on her. She’s had this planned for months.”
“You never said anything about it before.”
She shrugged. “I honestly forgot. I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
Tanner bit his bottom lip, and then smiled and shrugged. “It’s not. Let’s go.”
They stood together and made their way up the isle to the back exit of the theater, holding hands. Tanner held the front glass door open and ushered her outside to his parked silver hybrid. He opened the car door for her before getting in himself. He turned the engine.
“Do you want me to drop you off at the party?”
Julie shook her head. “I don’t know where it is. My mom’s driving me.”
“I’ll just take you home then. Do you mind if we stop by my place on the way? I wanted to show you something.”
# # #
“I really need to get going, Tanner. I’m going to be late.”
“I know, I know,” Tanner mumbled as he flipped through his keys. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, motioning for her to go first. “This won’t take long, I promise.”
Julie walked impatiently through the doorway and stepped aside so Tanner could follow and flip on the hall light. She shrugged out of her black pea coat and Tanner hung it on one of the wall pegs by the door before locking the door.
“Oh!”
Tanner spun around and darted down the short hall where Julie stood at the entrance to the living room. His heart raced as he rounded the corner.
What did my dumbass brother leave out?
“They’re beautiful,” Julie whispered as she walked into the room. “Carnations, my favorite.”
Tanner stepped up behind Julie and let out a sigh of relief. The couch was empty, with no sign of tarps or other odd messes. The coffee table was covered in white candles and a large vase of white and pink carnations. The smells of roasting chicken and sautéed vegetables filled the air.
“Oh,” Tanner started. “I didn’t…”
Footsteps approached from inside the bedroom.
“Hey Tan, is that you?” came Jake’s voice.
Crap, Tanner thought. “I’m here with Julie,” he stressed in warning. “I thought you’d be gone already.”
“I’m running late. I gotta run and go pick her up,” Jake called. The door opened and Jake walked out, combing his hair back. “Are you going to make yourself scarce—“
He looked up and froze, his eyes locked on Julie.
Tanner nodded. “We’ll be out of your hair in a minute. I just have to get something I forgot. I…” He looked from Jake to Julie, who stood awkward and silent. He shook his head. “Sorry, I’m being rude. Julie, this is my brother Jake. Jake, Julie.”
Julie nodded, paling. Jake narrowed his eyes.
Tanner frowned, glancing between them. “Do you… know each other?”
Jake let the comb fall from his fingers. It bounced off the hardwood floor near his left foot. His shoulders hunched forward, and a low growl built in his throat.
Tanner jerked back, surprised, and then stepped in front of Julie. “What’s wrong with you?” he hissed.
“Yeah, we know each other,” Jake said, his voice deeper than usual.
Tanner started when he realized Jake’s mouth hadn’t moved; at least not his human mouth. “What the hell are you doing, Jake?”
“Making dinner,” Jake finally looked away from Julie to meet Tanner’s gaze, “for Stacy.”
“You’re not making sense. Why are you pointing at Julie…”
Tanner narrowed his eyes and he clenched his jaw. He glanced down at the pink and white carnations and then at Julie. Once glance at her face and he knew. His heart sank.
“You said you had a candle party with your mom.”
“Tanner, let me explain,” Julie started.
“Shut up, bitch,” Jake shouted, and the back of his head made a snapping noise. “You knew the whole time we were brothers. We’re fucking twins.”
“Get out,” Tanner cut in. “Both of you. Just get out.”
“She can’t leave,” Jake said slowly, his face still. The back of his hair fanned out on the sides of his head, and a rumbling growl surrounded him. “Not now.”
Tanner looked up at Jake, eyes wide and bewildered. “Jake—“
Jake leapt at Julie, his neck twisting around while in the air so that his hyena jaws extended toward her throat. Tanner dove at him, knocking him away just inches from her skin. They rolled and collided with the far wall, cracking the drywall. Jake twisted his body around to straddle Tanner, hands on his brother’s throat.
“You know the rules.”
“Fuck the rules. I won’t let you hurt her!”
A sharp crack cut through the air, and Jake’s head snapped back and slammed into the wall. Tanner coughed and rolled to his knees, clutching his throat. He looked up at Jake and froze.
A gaping hole the size of a golf ball bore directly through Jake’s skull between his open eyes. Thick blood seeped from the wound down his cheeks, into his slack mouth and down his neck. His left leg convulsed once, twice, and then went still.
Tanner’s hands shook as he pushed himself to his feet and turned, slowly, to face Julie. She stood with her feet braced and the gun held out with both hands, level with Tanner’s chest.
“You…” Tanner swallowed. “You killed him.” He opened his mouth and then shook his head. “Why did you…”
“He was going to kill me,” Julie said matter-of-factly, her expression blank. She blinked, and then met Tanner’s eyes. Her face softened and the gun lowered an inch. “Sweetie, now we can be together forever.”
“Oh God, Jake’s dead.” Tanner slid to his knees. The back of Tanner’s head barked out a high-pitched huh, huh, huh, ending in a drawn out wail. “Why did you have to kill him?”
“My father never likes my boyfriends.” Julie lowered the gun and walked closer to where Tanner knelt. “You see, any love interest of mine tends to disappear after a few months. I learned to date only twins, so that he can satiate his needs with the lookalike while I get to keep my boyfriend.”
Tanner gaped up at her. “You planned on killing Jake from the start.” He hung his head. “My brother’s dead because I fell in love with a monster.”
She chuckled. “Now isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” She dropped the gun and held out her arms. “I love you so much, Tanner.”
Tanner sobbed and looked up, helpless. He shook his head and fell forward into her arms, pressing the side of his face against her belly. She wrapped her arms around him, and bowed her head to kiss his hair. The fingers of her left hand ran through the back of his hair, scratching the hyena muzzle.
“But I can see now that you’re weak.” Her fingers dug into his fur. “And I don’t date weak men.”
Tanner’s eyes widened and twisted his head to look up at her. Julie smiled down at him and lifted the bottom of her shirt in one swift motion. The skin on her stomach stretched and ripped open, revealing a pair of massive, sharp-toothed jaws. He screamed and leaned back, but her arms wrapped around his hair and jerked him forward. Her stomach expanded and widened, the jaws snapping shut on his head and shoulders and cutting through him like cake.
Tanner’s lower half twitched and slid to the floor, a pool of dark blood rapidly growing around his severed torso. Julie licked her lips and grabbed a folded white napkin of the set table, and then wiped up the dripping blood on her stomach in time to save her jeans.
Her cell phone rang and she answered.
“Yeah, mom, I’m on my way.” Julie rolled her eyes. “The candles aren’t going anywhere. Did you still need me to bring a dish?”
She paused, and then glanced back to the kitchen.
“How does chicken sound?”